Severus Snape's Solutions
by Dream-Like-State
Summary: Professor Snape loves it when things go according to plan.


"You bloody prat."

"Shut it, Know-it-all."

"Go die." She said simply, her nose in the air.

He narrowed his eyes and grunted. "Go tame your mane." He retorted.

She rolled her eyes and snorted. "Is that all you can come up with, Ferret?"

"It's all I need, Beaver." He said cockily. She rolled her eyes again.

Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy walked down the halls toward the dungeons, headed for Snape's classroom, for their detention. Their arguing had forced Snape to finally snap. He had given his favourite student detention. Yes, that's right. Professor Severus Snape had given Draco Malfoy a detention.

"This is your fault."

"How is this _my_ fault?!"

"You started it."

"I did not –"

"PLEASE! SHUT UP!!" Snape interrupted as they reached his classroom. The both of them jumped back in surprise.

"Sorry sir." They said in unison, glaring at each other.

"Yes, well, I'm going to see Madam Pomfrey. Please, refrain from _killing_ each other... or maybe you could do us all a favour..." He added as a second thought. "Clean the dirty cauldrons. Do NOT, however, touch the potion on my desk. Is that clear?" He snapped. They nodded and he sighed, glaring at them both and rubbing his temples. He stalked off toward the surface, leaving Head Boy and Girl to glare at one another, before entering the dark classroom.

What the pair didn't see was the slight smirk on Snape's face as he walked away. Oh, he would fix them. They'd stop fighting after tonight. Oh, he was _good_.

"Bloody prat." Hermione muttered, picking up a scrubbing brush and began scrubbing the closest cauldron. She heard a snicker behind her and turned around to glare at him. "What are you laughing at now?"

"Granger, Granger, _Granger_. You silly little bint, we have wands for a reason." He laughed.

"We aren't allowed to use wands, Malferret." She said in return, turning her back to him. "Now get to work, I am NOT doing this all on my own." Hermione Granger was _not_ happy. No, sir.

"No, I don't think I will." He smirked as she whipped around to face him, her honey coloured eyes alight with fury. "In fact, I do believe that seeing as you are the _woman_ here, _you_ should be doing all the work."

She let out a feral growl. "You-you sexist PIG!" She screeched, standing up to her full height and marching over to him, a finger in his face. "What would you do without women?!" She asked angrily. He rolled his eyes and snorted. "I know what you'd do, become GAY! And DIE!"

He paled. There was no way in _hell_ that Draco Malfoy was gay. No. Definitely not. "Gay? I would never be gay."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, _please_. How would you get yourself off? Wanking only suffices for you every... once a _month_! Every other day, you have a _woman_ in your bed to shag your brains out!"

"Well, I hope you enjoy the show."

She snorted. "I _do_ have my _own_ entertainment, Malfoy. It's not like you're the only person who shags." His eyes widened as she said this casually. "That's not the point! _You_ couldn't survive without women." She said snootily.

He rolled his eyes. "Of course I could. There _is_ such a thing as magic, Granger."

Hermione smirked. "What are you going to do? Conjure a _woman_?" She cocked an eyebrow. Oh, she had him now.

"Well... I-I..."

"Hah!" She gave a triumphant laugh. "See? You really couldn't survive without _some _form of woman."

"Yeah, whatever. You're still doing all the cleaning, _woman_." He smirked as the triumph turned back to fury.

She narrowed her eyes dangerously. "You will not be getting away with this, Malfoy. If you don't do any work, _I_ don't do any work." She sniffed haughtily.

"Fine. We'll see how Snape like _that_, shall we?" Draco knew he hit a nerve. Granger was just too much of a teacher lover.

She plonked down on the floor and crossed her arms stubbornly. She wasn't going to give in to his jibe. "Whatever, Malfoy. I'm sure your beloved Potions Master won't punish you again." She rolled his eyes. "Are you shagging him, too?" She added as a second insult.

It was Draco's turn to get angry. He was NOT gay!! "Granger," He said dangerously. "I am not, in any way GAY." He said disgusted.

"Yeah, I'm sure." She drawled sarcastically, smirking.

This only infuriated him more. "I am NOT GAY. _Especially_ with _Snape_." He announced angrily.

"De Nile isn't just a river in Egypt." She said lightly.

His nostrils flared. _Nobody_ called _Draco Malfoy_ GAY! "No, I am not gay, Granger. As much as you'd like me to prove it to you, I'm not going to associate myself in _that_ way with someone so... ugly." He sneered.

"Well... it _would _explain the reason you think you can live without women..." She mused loudly, looking at him innocently.

It suddenly became very hot. Oh Merlin! At this moment, looking down at Granger with her blouse slightly open and her eyes looking at him so adorably innocent, he, Draco Abraxas Malfoy was definitely _not_ gay. "Granger..." He growled, looking down at her, his grey eyes shining and his tousled blonde hair accentuating them.

Hermione gulped. She really _hoped_ he wasn't gay. "Yes, Malfoy?" She asked innocently again.

"I am not gay." He stated, his eyes never leaving hers.

She pulled herself up to look him almost directly in the eyes. (It was a tad bit hard, considering how tall he was compared to her.) "Are you sure, Malfoy? I mean, your potions grades are –"

She couldn't finish her sentence. Never got the chance, because at that moment, he pushed her against the desk, his lips crashing down on hers hard. He nipped at her lip lightly, asking permission to enter and she answered by opening her warm mouth to him and intertwining her fingers in his hair. His hands were either side of her hips on the desk as he leant into the kiss.

Hermione bit down lightly, causing him hesitate, giving her time to flip them around so she was in front before he could give a moan of ecstasy.

They were inching closer to the potion.

Draco leant back and pulled her firm body up against his. He was definitely proving himself. He flipped them around again, gaining the domination again. This time, though, they met thin air, toppling to the ground with a thud. They groaned simultaneously.

Draco rolled off Hermione, his back connecting with the desk, consequentially knocking the cauldron of black goop on top of both of them. Oh, things were just wonderful.

Hermione screeched, feeling the stuff soak through her school shirt, and sat up, wiping it off her face. "Malfoy!" She groaned.

"Hey, keep your knickers on, Granger... Though, I really wish you wouldn't." He said, before his eyes widened in realisation. He sat up, hands flying to his mouth.

Hermione gaped. "Malfoy?" He looked up, panicked. "I couldn't agree more." She gasped at her own words. She hadn't meant to say that out loud! "I-I mean..."

"I really want to shag you right now!" He blurted out, his cheeks flushing the colour of Weasley's hair. He hit himself on the head. "No, I didn't mean that... Yes, I really did. Granger, I find you totally and utterly sexy and I want to shag your brains out. I know you've been screwing Zabini, and by God, it makes me so jealous."

She blinked at him. "He's not that good, anyway." Immediately after she'd said it, she covered her mouth. "Good Merlin, what's going on?!" She shrieked. "Blaise is... a really good shag... LIES, LIES, IT'S ALL LIES!"

"I don't care, because you should really be shagging me, anyway. Good Merlin, Granger, what've you done to me?!" He asked, panicked.

"What've _I_ done? What've _you_ done?!" She exclaimed. "This is your fault! AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SEXY AND I CAN'T RESIST YOU ANYMORE!" She suddenly exclaimed, her mouth running away with her thoughts, as if they had plans to elope.

"That's good, because I wasn't planning on it!" He exclaimed gleefully, though his eyes were wide. It was really quite comical. "Granger! Make it stop!" He whined.

"I can't!" She cried, feeling panic rise in her own throat. Nobody had ever been meant to know these feelings. The sexual tension had been building between them since they had begun sharing a living quarters, and though they used it to fuel their fights, there was so much that it was barely diminished.

"You're so hot, Granger!" He suddenly yelled.

"Thanks, babe, you're not too bad yourself." Her eyes widened to the size of plates as her voice said exactly what she had dreamt of saying when seducing Draco Malfoy. "I dream of you." Her traitorous voice said.

"I have _wet dreams_ about you." He was _not_ meant to admit that. But as soon as it popped into his head, his mouth said it. "Oh Merlin, Granger!" He squeaked. "Help me!"

"I think our mouths are trying to tell us something..." She squeaked back.

"That made no sense... but you're still absolutely hot anyways."

"Malfoy! It's the potion!"

"Of course it is." He remarked dryly. "Oh god, it's probably some sort of truth potion."

They instantaneously looked at each other. "_Truth_ potion? As in, it's the truth coming from our mouths?" Hermione said, bewildered.

"Well, I definitely find you... so freaking hot." He whispered huskily. "So, yeah."

Awkward silence embraced them, and the effects of the potion wore off. "So... um... what now?" Hermione asked, breaking the silence.

His grey eyes assessed her, taking in her dishevelled appearance, slightly bruised lips and soaked shirt – the bits of black goop having disappeared. _He _did that. Draco smirked. "Well, Granger, we can take it up where we left off, or you can continue to fantasise about me while you screw Zabini."

She snorted. "You're still a prat, I see."

"You're still hot. I can tell."

"What do you suggest?"

They were both wearing identical smirks by this time, inching closer. "I can... suggest a few... things." Draco breathed, his breath falling on her lips as his eyes flickered between them and her eyes.

"Oh really?" She asked, watching as his grey eyes clouded over.

"Yeah, I can." He said, before pressing his lips to hers. She found herself on top of him in a matter of seconds, hands roaming down his well muscled chest and toned abs. He let out a moan as she pressed down on to him, the feeling of her firm breasts igniting a fire within him.

_Oh thank Merlin, praise the heavens! Draco Malfoy is definitely _not_ gay! _Hermione thought, before letting out a moan of pleasure. His hands were... _brilliant._ And she couldn't wait to see what the _rest_ of him could do.

**Meanwhile...**

Professor Severus Snape looked at his watch and smiled. _Ah yes, it should be coming along quite nicely_, he thought as he walked down the corridors and toward the Astronomy Tower.

"Severus, what is it that you're smiling about?" Dumbledore asked curiously, popping a lemon drop in his mouth. "You look exceedingly pleased with yourself."

"Oh, hello Albus. Why yes, yes I am quite pleased." He said happily. "I've just gotten rid of one of my headaches."

"Good to hear, old chap." He smiled genuinely, though he knew very well what he was talking about.

"Yes, well, I am proud. But Albus, I'm afraid I must be going. I've got... err, somewhere to be." He said, glancing up the halls toward the Astronomy Tower stairs.

"Oh, yes. Don't let me keep you, Severus. Say hello to Poppy for me." He abruptly turned down the next corridor and continued merrily on his way, leaving a shocked and _blushing_ Severus Snape behind.

**Hey everyone! Please review, I could use some smiles at the moment. **

**Sorry to say, but anyone who is reading my current fan fictions, you will be kept at bay for a little bit. Year 12 calls... and so do other things.**

**Once again, please review I like your thoughts! (most of the time)**


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